Kunwara - 2000

Story

Urmila Matondkar
plays - who else - Urmila, while apna Govinda plays Raju, a fast food restaurant owner in New Zealand. They meet when she falls into frozen cellophane, and our oh-so-cool NRI pulls her out. And then there's the small matter of, ahem, a walking corpse, played by Jhony Lever. And before you can say Kaun Banega Kunwara, they're falling in love, and into each other's arms. At this point, please ignore the hideous sets with painted blue mountains and all.
It gets better
and better. A return to India by Air India, and then a drive around vast stretches of Rajasthan in a bus called Air Bus. And here he meets Nagma, who is crying over her father's photograph. Anyone who had Thakur Balraj Singh for a dad would do the same. Our hero, now too-cool with blue backpack, dark glares and all, rescues her from that fate worse than death known as Having-Handkerchief-Offered-by-Slimy-Creeps-to-Stop-Sniffling. Don't, na, yaar, drawls Govinda.

He then runs into Nagma again while he's trudging across a railway track and finds her sitting
there, waiting for the train. Er, shouldn't you be waiting on the platform, he asks her. And now we have an interlude straight out of A Walk in the Clouds,with Govinda stepping in gallantly to play the part of Nagma's husband. Om Puri, who is Nagma's father, is livid. Is Mogambo ko kaise khush karen, Govinda wants to know.

Oh, and surprise, Urmila comes back to India. She's Nagma's choti behen. At this point the
ghoda-gadha jokes start, though the real toilet jokes seem to have been cleaned in the washbasin. Govinda strolls around the grounds trying to look unhappy. Out of the blue, all the women start wearing diaphanous blue sarees. We have what is possibly the most undignified chariot race in film history - a line-up of assorted bullock carts being pulled by unwilling horses and unappetising riders. Of course, our Govinda Schumacher wins the trophy. And Nagma, who, however, is not the bimbette he wanted. Small matter of setting things right, and all's well. Why are Hindi movies soooooo very long?